


NEVERMIND

by kwuintessence



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 18:23:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8544190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwuintessence/pseuds/kwuintessence
Summary: Based on the song 'NEVERMIND' by 'Foster the People'.





	

 

> **Foster The People - _NEVERMIND_**
> 
> [VIDEO](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-IB6yO_8Uk) I [LYRICS](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/fosterthepeople/nevermind.html)

 

 

But if I  _follow my name_

 **I will calm you** in the storm

And  _breathe you in_  when you are worn.

**Be still, my love.**

Would it take a  _shooting star?_

To show you **life can bloom,** _when something breaks_

And _when the pieces fall,_ **I’ll catch them all.**

 

 

Seungyoon is having a _dry spell_ – music related, it was a fact that they all knew too well and a subject that they never touched. It happens to everyone, even to the very best, but this time around the spell has lasted far too long. Jinwoo is anxiously sitting up in bed, nibbling his lower lip in contained worry, eyes focused on the bottom right corner of his laptop screen – 1:13 AM it reads. He takes a deep breath and loudly exhales, just some much needed oxygen to keep him up and sane.

_When are you coming home? Are you even coming home?_

The room they shared is dark, cold, and dismal. His boyfriend’s empty bed being a constant reminder. Jinwoo wanted to call him and hear his voice, he wanted to know if he’s eaten anything at all, if he’ll be heading home soon, if he’s alright – but Seungyoon is a stubborn fool when it came to the things he’s passionate about, always telling Jinwoo to keep out. He runs a hand through his hair, eyes falling again on the tiny numbers at the corner of the screen. Calling him at this time wasn’t an option, no matter how bad he wanted to.

It’s close to 3AM when Jinwoo hears rustling sounds emanating from the foyer, he closes his laptop and puts it aside. Carefully, he slides under the blanket, his back towards the door. It isn’t long until he hears someone tentatively padding inside the room. Soon there’s a light dip on his bed, the mattress creaks lightly. He grips the sheet and tenses, his breath almost coming to a stop before closing his eyes.

Seungyoon is gentle, always have been. The moment Jinwoo feels his familiar calloused hand against his bare cheek, he leans instinctively. Reveling in the feel of those fingers as they slowly traced his nose, went over his lips, ran down his arm and settled on his waist. The room is dark and the other boy is too weary to realize that he’s feigning sleep.

He hears the sound of fabric rustling moments later, of a zipper being unzipped, and soon he can feel the younger male leaning over him, his warm breath ghosting teasingly against his skin, making him flush. Deft fingers weaved themselves into his hair, making his breath hitch, and just like the past other nights, Jinwoo held his breath as plump lips tenderly pressed against his temple. It’s over all too quickly and Seungyoon rises from the bed immediately, padding out of their room and to the living room.

 

Jinwoo waits for some time to pass and the moment he hears Seungyoon’s soft snores, he peels his blanket off and carefully makes his way out. The living room is dimly lit and the younger male is curled up on the couch in only his tank top and boxers, looking thinner and paler than he did the week before.

Jinwoo silently sits beside him on the floor, fingers gingerly brushing Seungyoon’s unwashed locks to the side. There are deep dark bags under his eyes and all Jinwoo could do is bite his lip in frustration in an attempt to restrain himself from holding Seungyoon in his arms and cradling him.

_What are you looking for Yoon?_

_Won’t you tell me? I’m here, use me, please._

His eyes stayed fixed on Seungyoon’s sleeping form. If only he knew how to make music too, then maybe he’d have a much better idea of just what may be running on the other male’s mind.  _Keep your head up, love_ – he cheered in his thoughts, pressing close to Seungyoon and smiling to himself as he watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

 _“Hyung…”_ A voice he knew all too well broke the stillness, Jinwoo stiffens, a lump forming in his throat. He turned his head slowly and found Mino standing there - fully awake, arms crossed over his chest.

 _“M-Mino-ya…”_  he stutters, heart hammering in his chest. _“Why are you up?”_

Silence extended between them and when Jinwoo tried to stand up, he realized the position he and Seungyoon were in. Just then Seungyoon groaned and suddenly rolled over, taking Jinwoo’s arm with him and hugging it in his sleep.  Jinwoo is too startled to speak and the look of consternation Mino is shooting him made his insides squirm.

 _“Go back to your room, hyung.”_ The rapper tells him. _“Sleep.”_

It wasn’t a request, Jinwoo knew from the tone of his voice. As Mino turned his back to him, he couldn’t help but call his name. Mino stopped on his tracks but showed no signs of turning back to face him.

 _“I’m not sorry, Mino-ya.”_ He tells him,  _“I’d still choose Seungyoon each time.”_

Mino lightly chuckles and Jinwoo feels tangible anxiety gripping his chest.

_“I know, hyung. Don’t worry.”_

 

.

.

.

 

A few months later, it’s the day of the NII fan-meet and their group is heading towards the venue. Jinwoo feels a light tap on his arm and he turns his head to the side in response.

 _“Nervous?”_ Mino asked. Jinwoo shook his head and went back to staring out the window.

The tanned male leaned back on his seat and pressed closer to him. _“You didn’t sleep again.”_  He whispered. Jinwoo turned to face him and met his gaze.  _Of course, Mino knows._  He thought.

He chuckles lightly and grabs the rapper’s hand. Placing his fingers on his tanned arm, he pinched the skin there. Mino flinches back and starts laughing, his hand flying at the now sore spot.  _“Hyung!”_

 As their van pulled over at the parking lot, Jinwoo was the first to alight. He walks over to the front of the van and waits for Seungyoon to step out. The younger male had been busy filming a web drama and is currently nursing a cold. The medicine he took earlier made him drowsy, knocking him out the whole trip there.

 _“Are you alright?”_  He asked, walking beside him. Seungyoon paused and eyed him for a bit, his wordless gaze made Jinwoo’s cheeks burn. Instead of answering, he grabbed Jinwoo’s hand and intertwined it with his. The sudden action gave Jinwoo’s heart a violent start.

 _“Someone might see.”_ He whispered, voice laced with trepidation, his heart thudding wildly in his chest. He slides his hand out but Seungyoon catches his wrist and tugs him back.

_“Let them see.”_

Jinwoo stops walking altogether as Seungyoon laces their fingers together a second time and smiles. Leaning towards him, he thoughtfully tucked a bit of Jinwoo’s hair behind his ear.

_“Just for a little bit.”_

 

.

.

.

 

The fanmeet eventually came to an end, Jinwoo was relieved to see Seungyoon looking cheery throughout and even fooling around with the others. Now back in the dorm and in the comfort of their room, Jinwoo strips off his sponsored mint polo and tosses it on his bed before plopping down on the empty bed next to his and curling up.

 _“Hyung, have you kissed before?”_  Jinwoo recalled, hugging Seungyoon’s pillow. The other boy had asked him it, one lazy afternoon, back when they were trainees. They were taking a break from practice and gulping down gatorade at the rooftop. He choked on his drink and Seungyoon was quick to wrestle the bottle away from him before he could drop it.

 _“Have you?”_  Seungyoon asked him again, laughing, eyes glinting with amusement. Jinwoo glared at the other boy (hoping that it will shut him up) and wiped his mouth, a vicious blush coloring his cheeks.

 _“O-of course, I have!”_  Jinwoo responds, feeling scandalized. He shoved him away and smacked his shoulder.  _“What are you even asking me?! Babo.”_

Truthfully, he hadn’t. He had never even dated. But that was something he did not wish to divulge to just anyone, Kang Seungyoon particularly. He noticed the youngster eyeing him weirdly for quite some time now and Jinwoo is sure that it won’t be long until Seungyoon starts dragging him to group dates to meet girls and what not. Something he absolutely detested and wanted no part of. If there was someone out there for him, Jinwoo was certain he’d meet that one special person in due time. Preferably in a drama-like setting wherein his heart would start to race after catching a glimpse of her. At the time, Jinwoo didn’t feel the need to rush things. He was still young and very much occupied.

 _“Your dimple is adorable.”_ He heard Seungyoon say ‘out of the blue’ minutes later, poking his dimpled cheek with his forefinger once then a few times more. This kid is really getting on my nerves! Jinwoo turned to face him, grabbed his hand, put his offending forefinger in his mouth and bit down.  _“Stop. It’s annoying.”_

 _“But you look so cute with it, hyung.”_ Seungyoon tells him in defense.  _“I really like it.”_

 _“Want it?”_  Jinwoo jokingly asked, chuckling, still holding the other boy’s hand by his face.  _“You can have it.”_

 _“Really?”_ Seungyoon responds eagerly, meeting his eyes, a boyish grin on his lips,  _“But there’s something I’d like so much more...”_  Easing his hand out of Jinwoo’s grasp, he stroked Jinwoo’s dimpled cheek then slowly made his way down to his chin where it lingered.

 _“Wh--What are you doing?”_ Jinwoo stammered, flinching back and scooting away, heart racing as sparks ran up and down his spine. Seungyoon simply leaned closer, his thumb on Jinwoo’s bottom lip.

_“Hyung, can I?”_

 

Jinwoo winces at the memory and pressing his face against Seungyoon’s pillow, he let out a muffled scream and rolled a few times in bed. He can still recall how Seungyoon’s pleasantly full lips had felt from that time, pressed against his. _Slow, careful and gentle_ – as if making sure that Jinwoo had nothing to be afraid of. A second kiss followed, then a third and a fourth, and a fifth – each one growing bolder and hotter than the last until Jinwoo eventually lost track and all he could see, taste, smell, feel and hear is Seungyoon.

His head spun, and all he could do was hold on to him for dear life. _“Breathe, hyung.”_ Seungyoon murmured to him at one point and he does, clutching the younger male’s shirt as he did so. And with his knees shaking so bad, Seungyoon had to press them together to hold him up and keep him steady, his fingers digging into Jinwoo’s hips, lips never leaving his.

 

.

.

.

 

It was a little past 8PM when Jinwoo finally roused from fitful sleep. Each time he closed his eyes, Seungyoon was there and it drove him a little mad that the real thing wasn’t each time he opened them. He blearily made his way out of their room and into the kitchen, rummaging the fridge for something to fill his empty stomach. There are containers of take-out in there and Jinwoo is terrified to look inside some of them, knowing fully well that half of those containers had been there for more than a week. He shudders at that knowledge and closes the fridge, the vision of food gone bad flashing in his mind. For times like this, ramen is the only option. But before he can even reach for one from the cupboard, his phone starts ringing, rousing the four cats they kept in the dorm. Jinwoo hurries back to their room and grabs his phone off Seungyoon’s bed.

_“Hello?”_

_“Hyung, it’s Mino. Are you hungry?”_

_“Where are you?”_

_“Almost there. I’m glad you’re up. Meet me. Let’s eat out. My treat.”_

_“But I don’t feel like going out….”_

_“You always say that. There’s nothing to eat there. Hurry, I’ll meet you downstairs.”_

And just like that, Mino hung up, leaving no room for arguments. Jinwoo bit his lip and sighed. Running a hand through his hair, he looked down at the four cats now darting between his legs, wanting to be fed.

 

 _“Hyung!”_ Mino exclaimed, waiting right by the elevator. The rapper beamed at him before hastily shoving his phone in his pocket.

_“You took a while. I was about to send you a message. You ok?”_

_“Cats.”_ Jinwoo tells him.

Mino’s smile only gets wider as he slings an arm around him.

 

 _Being with Mino is fun._ Two hours later, the two of them are in a private karaoke room and Jinwoo’s cheeks are sore from laughing too much. The rapper’s bright and cheery personality is infectious and he caught it instantly. Jinwoo literally rolls on his seat as Mino starts screaming at the microphone halfway through the song he’s singing unleashing some ridiculously bad notes in the process.

The rapper flashes him a peace sign before making his way to him and pulling him up. Shoving the mic on his face, Mino pushed him forward, willing him to finish the rest of the song. Jinwoo tried to follow the colored letters on the screen but the way Mino was dancing behind him and waving the tambourines around was too much for him to take. He forgets about singing the song altogether and clutches his stomach.

By the time they left and started their trek home, it was close to midnight. Jinwoo wanted to get home quickly, feeling optimistic that Seungyoon might just come home earlier than usual tonight. Admittedly, he enjoyed spending time with Mino and was grateful for his company and invitation but deep down he greatly missed Seungyoon and he couldn’t help but wish that he was the one with him instead.

_“Jinwoo-hyung…”_

Jinwoo paused and turned back, Mino’s hands are stuffed in his pockets and Jinwoo suddenly feels like he hasn’t really taken a good look at him in a while. Maybe it’s because Mino is always smiling, always cracking jokes.

_“…if you met me before Seungyoon, would you have fallen in-love with me instead?”_

Jinwoo takes two steps back before Mino can reach him, already not liking where this was heading. And just when he decides to turn back, the rapper grabs his wrist and holds him in place

 _“Mino, don’t…”_  Jinwoo tries to squirm away but Mino’s hold on him was tight and the more he struggled, the painful it got.

 _“Give up on me.”_  He tells Mino, still struggling to shrug him off. _“I told you already, I’m in love with Seungyoon.”_

Mino holds him tighter and pulls him to his chest, his chin resting on his shoulder.  _“I know. I see the way you look at him.”_ he whispered in Jinwoo’s ear,  _“But I can’t stop myself. I don’t know how to un-love you.”_

 _“That’s exactly the thing.”_  Jinwoo reasons, _“I can’t love you.”_

Mino loosens his hold and pulls back a bit to look at him.

 _“You’re an amazing friend. You’re practically a brother to me. No more no less.”_  Jinwoo meets his gaze.  _“It doesn’t matter if I met you before I met him; I know in my heart that I would still fall for him no matter how different the circumstances might be.”_

_“You deserve to be happy, hyung. You deserve to be loved…”_

_“I am happy. I am loved.”_  He tells Mino, easing himself out of his now slack arms.

_“You deserve the same Mino-ya, and I won’t ever be that for you.”_

 

.

.

.

 

 _He should have done this sooner,_ Jinwoo thinks stepping inside the YG building and jabbing the elevator button a few times. Seungyoon was the type to hold things in. He knew and he always made sure to give him space for his thoughts and not pry. Thinking about it now, that was definitely a big mistake, because when Seungyoon thought a lot – they aren’t all pretty thoughts. And if it weren’t for Mino’s forwardness, he probably wouldn't have rushed there tonight.

When he finally reaches the usual studio they hole up in, Jinwoo freezes. Seungyoon forbade him from coming there in the middle of the night, even going as far as shutting down his phone so that he wouldn’t have to take anyone’s calls. Jinwoo shifts his weight from one foot to another, he knew what being there meant – _it was asking for a fight._ And fight he will, because Seungyoon isn’t someone that he ever wants to lose.

 

The moment Jinwoo stepped inside the studio, Seungyoon turned his head towards him. The younger male didn’t say anything to acknowledge him and simply turned his chair around, focusing back on the glowing monitor in front of him.

The room was dimly lit and a bit cold, Jinwoo shivered lightly. He closed the door and walked towards the sofa lined up on the other end of the room. He passed by Seungyoon but the other remained silent, back still turned towards him. Before he can even sit, Seungyoon spoke up.

 _“I told you not to come here.”_ Jinwoo turned to face him but was disappointed to find that Seungyoon’s focus is still on the monitor.  _“I’m busy. Go home.”_

 _“I’m not going.”_ He tells him, taking a couple steps forward.  _“We have to talk.”_

_“I don’t have time to do that right now. Just go.”_

Seungyoon seemed so cold, so distant. Jinwoo reluctantly stepped back and sat down.

_“I told you to go. Why are you sitting down?”_

_“I can wait. Finish what you have to finish.”_

Silence befalls them, the kind that Jinwoo doesn’t like. It messes with his thoughts and chips away his courage. He looks around the room, scanning it from the ceiling to the floor and side to side, trying to find something for his eyes to rest on other than Seungyoon.

 

_“Should we break up?”_

 

A sharp pain, exploded in Jinwoo’s chest. He knew what he’d heard despite it being said so softly.

 _“Maybe we should.”_ He tried to respond just as gently, the ache in his chest growing.

Seungyoon’s hand freezes over the keyboard. Jinwoo knows he’s shaken up.

 

_“Then, let’s break up.”_

 

Jinwoo leaned back on his seat, his hands lightly trembling. He has to keep himself together, to win this one. Seungyoon went back to working with whatever it was that he was working on. For a while, the sound of keyboard keys being furiously tapped on reverberated in the room. The sound eventually come to a stop, Jinwoo lifted his gaze from the floor and stared at Seungyoon’s back.

 

_“It’s late, hyung. You should go back.”_

Seungyoon never calls him that, not when they’re alone.

_“I’m no longer your boyfriend. Don’t order me around.”_

Before Jinwoo can even wonder if he’d said too much, Seungyoon leaves his seat and towers over him, staring him down and making him feel small.

Taking out what little courage he had left, Jinwoo returned his gaze.  _“I’m not leaving until we talk.”_

 

In one swift motion, Jinwoo finds himself yanked off the sofa and pinned on the work table, its hard edge painfully digging on his waist. Seungyoon’s got a leg between his, his fingers fisted on the top of Jinwoo’s shirt.

 _“What do you want from me?”_  Jinwoo almost forgets to breathe as Seungyoon shakes him a few times.  _“What do you fucking want from me?!”_

 _“You! I want you!”_  He tells Seungyoon simply, offering his sincerity.  _“All of you.”_

Seungyoon’s grip relaxes and Jinwoo takes a shaky breath. He’s still pinned to the table and his waist is throbbing, he’d probably have a few bruises tomorrow but that wasn’t something he’s particularly worried about.

 _“Being with you scares me!”_  Seungyoon lashed out, hitting the table with his fist and startling Jinwoo.  _“It’s because I’m ridden with insecurities all the way down to my bones.”_ Seungyoon pressed closer to him.  _“You come waltzing in here this late, smelling of another guy. What was I supposed to think?”_

A lump forms in Jinwoo’s throat; _he really should have done this sooner._

_“Do you think I don’t notice? How Mino touches you so often? How he looks at you each time?”_

 Jinwoo tried to reach out but Seungyoon moved away from him and paced the room.

 _“I’m scared that you think Mino is better than me! I’m scared that you find him more interesting than I am!”_ Seungyoon’s voice continued to rise and Jinwoo watched him apprehensively.

 _“You talk to Mino more! You go out with him more! Each time I see the two of you laughing…”_  Seungyoon finally stopped pacing. Jinwoo approached him from behind and gently wrapped his arms around him. Seungyoon didn’t push him away this time, instead he reached for Jinwoo’s hands, wrapped around his waist and gave them a squeeze. _“…I get scared that you’re going to just leave me one of these days and be with him.”_

Jinwoo felt Seungyoon’s warm tears on his hands as they fell, he turned him around to face him. Seungyoon lifted his head silently; Jinwoo took one look at his tear-streaked face and cupped it.  _“I’m not going anywhere.”_ And after saying so, he planted a slow and gentle kiss on Seungyoon’s lips before pulling him back in his arms - wanting nothing more than to protect him from all his sadness, his insecurities, his inner demons.

As Seungyoon wept, he simply continued to hold him in silence. The man he’s in love with is breaking in front of him and all he could do was hold him tightly in place and hope for all of his broken pieces to stick back together – and if needed, take all of his too.

 _“No matter what happens, I won’t ever leave you.”_ He promised, holding him tighter in his arms,  _“Please believe me.”_

 

.

.

.

 

And  **I’m scared to say your name.**

 _I’ve cried wolf_  so many times.

Cause **I’m afraid**  of what you’d want from me.

Will you  **find me through the gray?**

Cause  _my mind’s a minefield_  of the wretched.

It’s honestly  **deceptive.**

 

 

Seungyoon doesn’t have time to be lonely or upset, but during dark and bleak moments the two emotions combine, consuming him whole. It’s on those nights that Seungyoon doesn’t sleep. The nights that he does, he never feels well-rested, sleeping only in annoying intermittent increments, plagued with awful dreams.

Now he’s back in the studio, working on a few tracks for their album. Taehyun did a fantastic job with his new batch of songs. Seungyoon finds himself smiling after listening to some of them, already visualizing the choreograhies that Seunghoon would come up with. Chuckling to himself, he removed his headphones and leaned back on his seat. It’s been so long since he created something that he felt satisfied about. If it’s not his lyrics, it’s the melody, and if it’s not that either then there’s something off about its atmosphere.

There’s always something that doesn’t match up. Something that feels uncertain. Seungyoon knows because he’s fighting the same battle deep within him. It seeps into his lyrics, into the way he strums his guitar and in the way his voice sounds –  there’s a void there and he doesn’t know what he’s suppose to fill it with. He doesn’t know how to contain it and it just keeps growing bigger, taunting him in his waking hours.

And then there’s _Jinwoo_ , just thinking of him makes the edges of his lips naturally curl up. He takes his powered off phone from his pocket and powers it on. A few taps later, Jinwoo’s pretty face is smiling up at him from the screen. The next one is of Jinwoo holding Rei in his arms, a big smile on his face as he smiled towards the camera. Then there’s one of Jinwoo lying on Seungyoon’s bed one afternoon, asleep, with Rei curled up beside him, his hair fanned out around his pretty face like a halo.

The next set of pictures are stolen ones – of Jinwoo cooking in their dorm kitchen wearing a cute pink apron that Seungyoon forced on him, Jinwoo smiling brightly at something at the airport, Jinwoo staring out the window and watching the rain fall, Jinwoo cutely waiting for him in a café where they agreed to meet, Jinwoo wearing his old t-shirt and sitting on the couch, Jinwoo fast asleep beside him with his bare shoulder peeking out of the sheets.

 

 _“Hyung, have you kissed before?”_ Seungyoon recalled. He had asked Jinwoo one lazy afternoon, back when they were trainees. They were taking a break from practice and gulping down gatorade at the rooftop. Jinwoo instantly turned bright red and choked on his drink. Seungyoon wrestled the bottle away from him before he could drop it, laughing the whole time and patting his back.

 _“Have you?”_  He asked again, enjoying the sight of the older boy’s flustered cute face.

 _“O-of course, I have!”_  Jinwoo answered, his voice about three octaves higher than usual. The elder shoved him away and smacked him on the shoulder.  _“What are you even asking me?! Babo.”_

He knew that Jinwoo hadn’t, dated nor kissed that is. But he wouldn’t tell him he knew and if Jinwoo wanted to pretend he did, then he’d willingly go along. The fact that someone like Jinwoo had remained naive and untouched despite being highly attractive is not only impactful to Seungyoon, it’s highly enticing too. He’s been watching the beautiful boy for a while now and the more of him he sees and knows, the more his heart gets squeezed and pulled. He’s never liked boys before and he highly doubted he would in the future, but Kim Jinwoo is a whole other story. _He didn’t like boys, he realized, he liked Kim Jinwoo._ **Only Kim Jinwoo.**

 _“Your dimple is adorable.”_ He tells the older boy minutes later, poking said indentation with his forefinger once then a few times more for emphasis. Jinwoo turned to face him, grabbed his hand, put his forefinger in his mouth and bit down.

Seungyoon felt something akin to an electric shock. Jinwoo’s mouth is wet and hot around his finger, his lips soft and smooth. Seungyoon stared at the older boy, his damp brown locks and his sweat slicked skin glistened under the warm glow of the setting sun. Seungyoon was trying very hard to keep his hands to himself. There was a rising urgency within him to touch the other boy and ascertain that he isn’t something he dreamed up.

_“Stop. It’s annoying.”_

_“But you look so cute with it, hyung.”_ He tells him with all honesty, mesmerized.  _“I really like it.”_

 _“Want it?”_  Jinwoo teases, unaware. He chuckled, still holding Seungyoon’s hand by his face.  _“You can have it.”_

 _“Really?”_  Seungyoon says, surprising himself with just how high his voice sounded just then. Jinwoo tilted his head, lips curving into such a pretty smile. The butterflies in his stomach flutter in full force.  _“But there’s something I’d like so much more...”_

 

He knew there’d be no going back, but the older boy seemed _so inviting, so appealing._ Easing his hand out of Jinwoo’s hold, he boldly stroked Jinwoo’s dimpled cheek then made his way down to his perfect chin where it lingered.

 _“Wh--What are you doing?”_  Jinwoo stammered, flinching back and scooting away. But Seungyoon couldn’t have that, not when he’s about to self-combust from whatever it was that Jinwoo roused within him. So, he leaned closer and pressed his thumb on Jinwoo’s bottom lip.

 

 **Stop.**  A little voice in the back of his head spoke up. But Seungyoon was far beyond caring. Jinwoo was so close, so beautiful, and so very tempting.

 _“Hyung, can I?”_  Voice above a whisper, he leaned in before Jinwoo could answer, brushing his lips gently against the other boy’s.

 

Jinwoo’s eyes grew wide and he froze completely. Seungyoon feared that the other boy would pull away and punch him in the gut in the next five seconds when the opposite of what he was dreading happened. Jinwoo gripped his shirt, eyes sliding shut and slowly kissed him back. His inexperience was cute, his lips soft and warm, gingerly following suit.

Seungyoon couldn’t help but push for more, sucking on Jinwoo’s bottom lip was quite delightful and the moment he gasped and his lips parted, Seungyoon took his chance.

 

 _“Breathe, hyung.”_  He recalls telling Jinwoo at one point, but it was really more for him than the other boy. He was unprepared for the coiling heat and tension now building under his stomach, his pants suddenly feeling far too tight.

By the time the two of them parted, Jinwoo’s pupils are dilated and his breathing shallow.

 _“Hyung, are you ok?”_  He asked, gently taking Jinwoo’s flushed face in his hands.

 _“Seungyoon-ah…’_  Jinwoo whimpered, looking right at him, Seungyoon swallowed hard.  _“I feel weird.”_

 

Seungyoon smiles at the memory of their first kiss. _Well, kisses._ He missed Jinwoo, much more than he thought was humanely possible and he didn’t know how to deal with it. He was the one that told Jinwoo not to call him past 10PM, even going as far as turning off his phone so he wouldn’t get tempted. Yet, here he was, a tap away from ringing him. Seungyoon puts his phone down on the table, sits up and paces a bit. He had work to do, he really shouldn’t.

He’s back in his seat five minutes later, grabbing his phone he holds down the power button and shuts it off. He had a lot of things he needed to get done and he didn’t want to scare away Jinwoo by being clingy as fuck. Something he’d never dare admit to anyone, especially his boyfriend.

Seungyoon goes back to finishing his lyrics, singing a few lines every now and then and getting a feel of them - deleting, retyping, thinking some more. About an hour later, he’s done. He’d have to try it out with Taehyun and Jinwoo the next day but for now he’d move on to the next one.

 

His mind wandered to the earlier event that passed that day, the NII fanmeet. Though he saw the other members every single day, there was that feeling of ‘it’s been a while’ when the five of them walked up and stood on that stage.

Seungyoon isn’t sure about what came over him but before he can think too much, he’s opening a browser and searching online for pictures from today’s event. Seungyoon browses comfortably, the images floating on the screen making him smile. Every now and then, he’d get the wind knocked out of his lungs, staring at pictures of a certain someone for God knows how long. Jinwoo looked radiant, dressed in a mint polo similar to his, hand perfectly frozen in place as he lifted his hair away from his gorgeous face.

Soon Seungyoon is searching solely for Jinwoo’s photos from said event - carefully checking each one and admiring it, nodding approvingly. His boyfriend is exquisite and all his. But Seungyoon should have realized that there would be a snake hidden in the shadows, ready to strike him down.

 

There was one of Jinwoo looking up at Mino in mid-laugh, then another of Jinwoo with his arm resting on Mino’s shoulder. The one that follows is of the two staring at each other and smiling. There’s also one of Jinwoo holding Mino’s hand as he held the mic for him, and the next set are of Mino with his hand on Jinwoo’s thigh. Seungyoon hurriedly closes the browser after reading some of the comments below.

 

 

> MinWoo are perfect for each other.
> 
>  
> 
> Jinwoo’s eyes are shooting hearts at Mino~
> 
>  
> 
> Daebak! They look so in-love! Kekekekekekekeke…
> 
>  
> 
> Jinwoo looks so pretty and Mino looks so handsome. Perfect couple!
> 
>  
> 
> OMG. Mino’s hand! Look at Mino’s hand! Kyaaah~

 

A jumble of memories swirled in Seungyoon’s wretched mind - of seeing Mino and Jinwoo whispering back and forth in the kitchen, of the two of them leaning against each other on the couch watching dramas, Mino with his arms around Jinwoo and vice versa. He didn’t like where his thoughts are leading him but it wasn’t something that he can control. Mino is a very good friend, and Jinwoo is his treasured lover – but there are _what if’s_  that terrify Seungyoon.

He knows all too well how Mino feels. Lingering touches, a heated gaze, a whispered exchange, secretive glances – he knows because he’s been there too at one point. Calling Jinwoo’s name sometimes scares him, cause what if he doesn’t respond? _What if he doesn’t come?_ There are times when Seungyoon had deceived him out of pettiness, of wanting to hold him down – and Jinwoo never realizes because he was either far too kind or too naive. The relationship they have, it’s something he sprang up on Jinwoo. Sure, the elder didn’t decline but it’s not like he agreed to it either. It was something that Jinwoo grew into and now Seungyoon is scared out of his mind that the other boy is simply putting up with them because they’ve been together for a long time.

But then there are mornings when Seungyoon wakes up to Jinwoo trailing kisses on his neck, sliding his shirt up and eagerly touching every bit of skin there. Days when Jinwoo’s pretty doe eyes follow him around, smiling wordlessly the whole time. Stolen kisses between them when they think no one is looking. Random love notes from Jinwoo tucked in unexpected places with little smileys and hearts. The way Jinwoo wraps his arms around him in the morning while he’s brushing his teeth, standing on his toes and pecking him lightly. Then there are memories of Jinwoo hurriedly pulling him in tight spaces and corners, their bodies pressed together as Jinwoo giggles, lips sealing over his. Sweet promises, fervent I love You’s and brimful forever’s uttered in the dark that make Seungyoon loose control.

His heart knows but his mind can’t catch up and it unnerves him because that’s not how it should be. There are times that Seungyoon is frightened of the way he loves Jinwoo – _creeping, devouring, and corrupting._ And it’s enough for him to keep his distance in hopes of preserving Jinwoo’s beauty in its finest form. He was a tempestuous flame, and Jinwoo was an innocent moth he beguiled.

 

Seungyoon doesn’t how long a time he spent with nothing but ill thoughts swirling in his mind. The sound of the studio door opening rouses him from his self-induced stupor. Jinwoo is standing there, still dressed in the same clothes he was wearing earlier. He wasn’t expecting him to come, he wasn’t supposed to come. Thorns line his throat and he suddenly finds it difficult to breathe. He turned his chair around hoping to calm himself before facing Jinwoo. But all of that breaks the moment his lover passes behind him, smelling of another man. He’d know that scent from anywhere.

Now there are thoughts of Mino and Jinwoo pressed together intimately and no matter how hard Seungyoon squeezes his eyes shut, the two of them remain. An ache blooms in his chest, almost like a knife being torturously driven in and out of his heart.

 

.

.

.

 

 _“Should we break up?”_ Seungyoon finds himself saying. The words leave his mouth before his head could even process them. He wanted to retract them, he had to retract them, but Jinwoo’s even response startles him

_“Maybe we should.”_

His hand freezes over the keyboard, unsure of what to do next. Jinwoo never asks for anything, ever. And now he easily concedes? Seungyoon wanted to turn his chair around and scream at him. You’re just letting me go? You’re just giving up on us? But no, he didn’t have the heart to do that. Because deep down he knew that he’s forced Jinwoo into something he likely never really wanted.

_“Then, let’s break up.”_

Seungyoon was expecting the other boy to stand up and leave, maybe go where Mino is waiting so that they can profess their undying love for each other - but Jinwoo doesn’t move an inch.

_“It’s late, hyung.” He pauses slightly. “You should go back.”_

_“I’m no longer your boyfriend. Don’t order me around.”_

Something snaps within him, Jinwoo’s words echoing in his mind

 

 

> I’m no longer your boyfriend.
> 
>  
> 
> No longer your boyfriend.
> 
>  
> 
> _No longer yours._
> 
>  
> 
> **I’m no longer yours.**

 

Then everything happened too fast and Seungyoon isn’t even sure how he’d managed to pin Jinwoo on the work table, his hands fisted on Jinwoo’s shirt.

 _“What do you want from me?”_ He asks, not really sure why, his heart racing wildly. Jinwoo could say a hundred different things and it might just completely break him and make him lose control.  _“What do you fucking want from me?!”_

 _“You! I want you!”_  Seungyoon meets Jinwoo’s gaze and was petrified by what he saw there, his livid self reflected on those warm brown orbs. _“All of you.”_

He hits the table with his fist. Hating the way Jinwoo makes him feel. How just one look of his can easily smooth any wrinkle in Seungyoon’s life. How just his mere words penetrated his thoughts and wrapped around his heart like a bandage.

_“Being with you scares me!”_

Seungyoon let’s everything go, he’s got nothing else to lose at this point. His insecurities, his jealousy, his pride. Then Jinwoo’s arms are around him pulling him back, like an anchor steadying its ship in a wild stormy sea

 _“I’m not going anywhere.”_ And that’s all the reassurance that Seungyoon really needs. _Jinwoo is staying, that’s all that matters._ As their lips met, Seungyoon knew that at that moment all is right with the world. _His world._

 _“No matter what happens, I won’t ever leave you.”_  Jinwoo promised, holding him tighter in his arms, “Please believe me.”

And Seungyoon does.

 

.

.

.

 

 **Never mind**  what you're looking for

You'll always _find what you're looking for_

 **Sometimes its blinding**  in the race

But  _I'll be here smiling_ **when I see your face.**

 

  
  
_“Let’s do it.”_  Jinwo says quietly, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth. He stares up at Seungyoon and meets his gaze, _“Make me yours all over again.”_

Seungyoon pulled back to look at him but didn't respond to his invitation. Jinwoo, feeling self-conscious, looked away, unsure of what it meant. He simply wanted to ease Seungyoon of his worries, wanted to assure him that he is his and his alone.

 _“Are you sure?”_ He hears Seungyoon ask, making his heart skip a beat, voice low and laced with nerves.

 

.

.

.

 

Seungyoon locked the door and slowly walked back to where Jinwoo stood. We’re going to do it - Jinwoo concludes, and he doesn't regret offering himself. But now his heart is racing in his chest and all he can do is force himself to breathe.

 _“We don’t have to.”_  Seungyoon tells him, lifting his hand and gently brushing his cheek.

 _“But I want to.”_  Jinwoo admitted, reaching out and sliding his hand under Seungyoon's shirt.  _“Mark me. Let them see I'm yours.”_

 

.

.

.

 

They kiss deep and slow, Seungyoon grinding against him, impossibly hot.

 _"Jinwoo..."_ he breathes, pulling back a bit and sliding Jinwoo's polo shirt off his shoulder.  _"...should I?"_

Jinwoo flushes, his breath catching in his throat. Seungyoon grinned at him in understanding then pecked his lips, running a hand through his hair, he turned back allowing Jinwoo some privacy. They’ve done this before, plenty of times - and Seungyoon had seen all of him. But there’s something different tonight. Something between them has changed. And suddenly it feels like they're doing this sort of thing again for the very first time. Jinwoo bit his lip and swallowed, recalling how gentle and patient Seungyoon had been that time.

He slides his mint polo off his other shoulder and lets it fall to the floor. Then next to follow was his under shirt, which he pulled over his head. Now he’s standing there, fingers on the button of his jeans, lightly shaking. He eventually managed to unzip them and slide them off his legs. Now he’s only got one article of clothing left, he takes a deep breath and takes them off.

 

.

.

.

 

Jinwoo is pale and beautiful under him, Seungyoon stared down at his bare body in awe, enthralled. Seeing Jinwoo like that was beyond arousing and had an immense stirring pull to it. Fear crept in Seungyoon’s mind – touching someone so delicate and pure with his calloused hands, and on the studio floor at that. Jinwoo lifts his gaze and knowingly takes his hand, slowly guiding it to his chest and placing it over his heart.

_“It’s ok, Yoon. Trust me.”_

 

.

.

.

 

Seungyoon slowly pushed himself in and a pained gasp left Jinwoo’s lips. Seungyoon looked him over, his eyes are squeezed shut, a frown marring his beautiful face.

 _“I’m sorry. I'm so sorry.”_  He breathes out, hands on Jinwoo’s hips as he pushed more of himself in. He tries to distract the other boy with another  kiss as he slowly pushed himself even deeper.

Unbelievable tightness and incredible heat surrounded him. Jinwoo was tense, his body fighting the intrusion. A rush of emotions swept over him. Jinwoo right now, was very very enchanting. Seungyoon lightly trembled as he tried very hard to keep still and not lose it.

 _"Jinwoo...tight..."_ he hissed, bending over and peppering him with kisses. _"...you're so damn tight."_

Seungyoon starts ever so slowly, the first one being a careful thrust that jostles them barely.

 _“Your fault…”_  Jinwoo exhales, lifting his hips and taking all of his lover in him. Seungyoon's head arched back at the delicious explosion of friction between them.  _"...you haven't been playing with me."_

 

.

.

.

 

Jinwoo felt like he was on fire, every bit of his skin that Seungyoon touched ached to be touched by him over and over again. He lost himself completely, savoring the feel of Seungyoon’s bare skin against his. And with every kiss, every touch, Jinwoo could feel something warm and overwhelming filling his chest until it can no longer be contained. Tears slid down Jinwoo’s cheeks, disappearing into his hair, his breathing shallow and quick.

Seungyoon stopped his ministrations and pulled back a bit; just enough for him to cup Jinwoo’s face and wipe his tears,  _“Why are you crying? Should we stop?”_

Jinwoo shook his head and lifted himself forward to kiss the corner of his mouth and nibble on his bottom lip,  _“I missed you. I missed us.”_

 

.

.

.

 

Seungyoon usually restrains himself from being rough, but not tonight. His hips are snapping quicker now, and much rougher – lost in a haze of delirious heat and pleasure. He leaned down, hungrily claiming Jinwoo’s lips. He then blindly searched for his lover’s hand and when he finally found them, he interlocked their fingers together.

 _“Mine.”_  He tells Jinwoo, now a beautiful writhing panting mess under him, his legs around his waist.

 _“Yours.”_  Jinwoo responds despite being muddled, arching his neck and clumsily pressing his lips against Seungyoon's. _“Always…”_

 

.

.

.

 

Seungyoon had been walked on and forgotten. He finds it scary to hold on to people and ask them to stay. But with Jinwoo, it was different. For once, he found someone who simply and willingly stayed. And as his lover slept curled up next to him on the floor, Seungyoon realized that he’s perfectly found what he’s looking for - that one thing that can fill the empty void within him. And he finds it in the curve of Jinwoo’s lips when he smiles, his warm comforting body pressed against his each night, from his tousled hair to his big sparkling eyes, the way his name endearingly slips past those pretty lips. More than that, it’s everything he is because Jinwoo is there - _because the two of them are together._

Now the dry spell has lifted, there are a multitude of lyrics and melodies filling Seungyoon’s head that beg to be written down. But those things can wait for a few more hours, Seungyoon pushes them in the back of his mind, because all he really wants to do right now is focus on his Jinwoo’s pretty face as he slowly breathed in and breathed out – _and just love._

 _“What is it?”_  Jinwoo mumbles, stirring moments later and snuggling close.

Seungyoon opened his mouth and was about to say something when Jinwoo let out a tiny cute yawn. And as his hand reached out to gently stroke Jinwoo’s face, he smiled, heart swelling with immense fondness.  _“Nevermind, love. Nevermind.”_

 

.

.

.

 

**FIN.**

 

* * *

 

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Please refrain from virtually throwing any objects at me. I've decided to  add some heat to this fic and what you've read up there is my first attempt in writing Winner 'smut', 'porn', 'smex', etc. I'm not sure what you people want to call it but at the moment, it's something that makes me want to dig a hole to jump into and hide. You all can catch me on twitter ( **@elitejean** ). Let's spread more JINYOON love!

 


End file.
